I want to share with you about a book, and really a principle, that was super impactful for my husband when he was younger and why I think this should be incorporated into parenthood.
Travis read a book called "Extreme Ownership" by Jocko Willink. It is one of those books that can be very life-changing. In America, at large, we live in a culture of victimhood. When we walk in this, or transfer this mentality to our children, we are not only doing our children a great disservice, but also everyone around them.
I recently listened to an Impact Theory YouTube video that interviewed this author and I highly recommend it.
We are reading one of Jocko’s books to the children called "The Way of the Warrior Kid" (I would say most recommend for ages 8+, although our 6&7 year olds are enjoying it). The book starts off with a defeated boy. His Uncle comes to spend the summer with him and together this boy begins to live a life of victory. I’m so thankful that Travis found this author and truly understands this principle for many reasons.
As a parent, I think it’s really important to teach our children to be independent, especially to think for themselves, but I realized through my experience that often just teaching them principles and ideas was not enough.
I realized that often times they could completely understand a principle, could even completely reiterate it, but had no idea how to apply it and didn’t “make it their own.”
Here is a very simple, elementary example of what I have done to help with application. I was at Chick-fil-A with my youngest daughter. She wanted to “trade” her kid’s meal toy for an ice cream. Instead of going and doing it for her, I told her she should go ask a worker to trade it. She sat there for a moment thinking it over. I told her, “here is what you could say: Excuse me, can I please trade my toy for an ice cream?” I gave her the tone of voice and all. She decided to walk over and apply the script. Not only did it increase her self esteem by the praise she got from the worker for being so polite and respectful, but she learned to confidently communicate, which resulted in her getting the dessert. It also increased her trust in me as a leader.
The Author of that book was asked how you best ride the line of leading verses manipulating because many of the tools are very similar. He said, "If I’m manipulating you, I’m trying to get you to do something that will benefit me. Leadership is getting you to do something that will benefit you, or the team."
Travis has said before that the way he has decided to look at things is by saying,” Everything that happens to me in my life is my fault.” I can see how someone would immediately put defenses up and think, but, but... however, in my experience, there is great value in this.
One time I was counseling with a dear friend who had me tell him a story of the worse thing that happened in my life. I could barely get through the story because I was distraught and crying so hard. He then asked me to retell the story using only statements that began with the phrase,” I chose.” While I am very aware that bad things do happen to people that are seemingly very out of their control, this exercise was the most empowering thing ever. I was then able to easily tell the same story, no tears, and it completely shifted my perspective.
I personally want to raise up a powerful generation of leaders that takes charge of their lives and walks in personal responsibility rather than offense and victimhood, in all aspects of life.
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