Now, I know this is my wife’s blog and that’s who you really come here for but she thought having my perspective on this unique experience would be really valuable for any couples thinking about having children in the future or who may already be pregnant.
Firstly, as most of you know, my wife had nine children when we got married. Yes, that’s a big responsibility to step into but I found out quickly through this process that, a life lived for others really is a more fulfilling life. With that being said my wife is one of the most incredible people on earth and we have a wonderful relationship. Miraculously, all of my step children (especially the younger ones) and I also have such a close and beautiful bond as well. It is really incredible what putting a little effort forward and showing genuine interest and love for a child and their needs will do.
Anyway, let’s jump backward in time to, one month after my wife and I were married. There we are sitting in bed and my wife is getting a bit nervous about missing her period. So I tell her, "alright well let’s just get a test." So we did, and we found out that WE were pregnant for the first time. Wow... 10 children! This is amazing. What a rare women and what a rare experience. Well, little did I know when she took that test, that it was actually TWINS! “So wait honey... we’re having two more?” You’re probably thinking, what I was thinking right at that moment... AWESOME! Well at least some of you are. 😏
So fast forward a few months and things are starting to get real. Shannon is growing and growing and we find out that it’s TWO baby boys. It’s hard to express how proud I really was when I found that out. Sometimes I think I might be the most blessed man alive.
Now, before we continue I want to remind you all, that my wife is quite experienced in this arena. This is her 9th time being pregnant for goodness sake. But for me, this is number 1... well, number 1 and 2 but you know what I mean. So in some ways this is old hat for her but for me, this is all brand new. So when she started to get itchy, I started to wonder, uhh, “what’s going on hon?”
Well it turns out, a lot. Apparently she was developing cholestasis. Now, we’re gonna save that for a different blog post but long story short... these babies needed to come out soon. It was our plan all along to have our babies at home with a great midwife here in GA named Charlotte. The problem is, when she found out my wife was, “at risk” she recommended us to a Doctor named, Brad Bootstaylor. He owns See Baby in Altanta and I can honestly say that I was very skeptical when we first stepped into the hospital. We did NOT want our babies born there. “Why?” You might ask... Well, how much time you got?
Anyway when we met him, we could tell right away that something was different. This Doctor was extremely knowledgeable about natural birth practices and actually believe that VBAC births and breach births were okay. I know that doesn’t seem crazy to some people but most doctors would flee at the first site of my wife’s history. Not Dr. Bootstaylor. He was actually genuinely on our side. Or, “on the side of science” as he liked to put it. Now, I know I’m taking the long way around but trust me, it’s all for a purpose.
Let’s fast forward to March 1st... Remember my wife being itchy and all that cholestasis stuff? Well, we decided to go the hospital after the boys were 36 weeks and have the doctor induce labor with a hormone called "Oxytocin." Otherwise known as the “cuddle hormone”.
Believe it or not this is the first time I had really done any looking into oxytocin. It turns out, women naturally produce this when it’s time to give birth. This creates contractions and eventually pushes the babies out. Also the hormone is released when the babies breastfeed and it helps with bringing moms bodies back into shape after the babies are born. There are other times in life when this hormone is released but certainly, not at this level.
Well, it turns out, men produce the cuddle hormone as well, it’s just much more rare. Men produce the most powerful dose of this the first time they hold their children. During “bible time” last night (which we do as a family every night at 8pm) I was explaining to all of my step children that the 3 times that I felt the most love and connection in my entire life were when I first experienced God for myself, when I got married to Shannon and then on March 2nd when my two sons were born.
So there we are. Shannon is being an absolute powerhouse rockstar and not using any painkillers or drugs. Her contractions are every 2 minutes and she’s ready to start pushing. At this point, Dr. Bootstaylor began coaching Shannon through the labor and we were getting close. Soon enough the first baby, Brant was coming. At this point I’m just trying to encourage my wife by speaking scripture and truths to her to keep her going. “You can do baby, I’m so proud of you. This will all be worth it in just a few minutes. God has such big plans for these amazing boys!” All the best stuff I could think of.
Little did I know, the Doctor had bigger plans. As Brant began to crown I heard, “alright dad, it’s your turn”. I turned to the doctor and he didn’t skip a beat. “One hand on top and one on bottom” he said. Shannon, is pushing harder then a lineman on a pro football team. I’m standing there like I’m about to catch a football and Dr. Bootstaylor is as cool as a cucumber. It was really pretty fun honestly. As Brant came out I heard, “down to the floor” so I guided his head downward. When his body came, I heard, “up to the ceiling”, so I brought him back toward the ceiling and there I was, holding my first born son. Even as I write this I’m tearing up. And trust me, oxytocin was surging like nothing I’ve ever felt before. Not only that but I think I got shot in the rear end with a dart of dopamine as well, because my face didn’t even know what to do. I was smiling and crying and probably flexing my muscles as if to say “yeah that’s right” all at the same time. It was really something wild. The best part is that I got to do it all over again just a few minutes later when my son Joseph was born.
I know it took me a while to get all of that out but I did it for an important reason. The reason we wanted to have a home birth was because we wanted options. Most doctors won’t give you that. They will say “oh it’s twins?” And “you already had a c-section?” “You’re at major risk... fear, fear, fear.” But not our doctor. He knew the truth. The truth is that women have been successfully giving birth to multiple children for thousands of years with NO SURGERY and have been very, very successful and healthy. And guess what. My wife did it too. Not only that, I got to catch my boys. Talk about truly amazing in 2020.
I would urge any couples getting ready to have children, please, find a doctor that will allow you to experience this incredible, life changing process the way it was intended and created. Naturally. We did zero testing, zero drugs and a double lotus, VBAC birth where I caught my children. And guess what... they are completely healthy, strong and perfectly formed boys. If we aren’t living proof that God designed this really well the first time, then I don’t know who is.
Please don’t rob yourself of this experience and equally as important, this rush of oxytocin. It connected me with my boys so strongly and acutely that I feel like I would climb Mount Everest just to catch a glimpse of their perfect little faces. I am one proud papa as I’ve been telling all my friends.
Picking a doctor that aligns with your vision for your family is so paramount. And educating yourself on the TRUTH and not with fear is also very important. I am so thankful for my incredible wife and the fact that God led us to the midwife and the doctor that we ultimately chose. I’m sure my wife will tell you more in her next few posts but I could not be happier.
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